Boston & Dealing with Rejection

This post is hard to write.  Usually when I post about my athletic endeavours I’m writing about achieving a personal best, conquering some new milestone, showing off a medal or other wonderful news.  I suppose social media has many of us projecting only the best moments of our lives, which makes failure and rejection difficult to discuss for most of us.  But I think its healthy and quite necessary to have a conversation about the moments of our lives where we fail to meet our goals, to remind ourselves that we are all human, and when we do not achieve the goals we set out for, its only truly a failure if we do not learn from the experience. 

This is not a pity me post.  This is a blog that is meant to help myself and others move forward from perceived failure and rejection. 

As a run coach and personal trainer, I put tremendous pressure on myself to perform and succeed.  I consider myself a role model - professionally for my clients - but I also have personal ambitions just like my clients do.  So when I fail to achieve a goal I feel disappointed in myself. 

This is the second time I’ve applied for entry in the Boston Marathon. (https://www.baa.org/races/boston-marathon). 

I suppose I’m finding this rejection from the Boston Athletic Association (B.A.A.) particularly hard because the first time was so easy for me.  The very first marathon I ever ran was the Toronto Marathon in May 2016, with a time of 3:34:38.  The Boston Qualifying (BQ) time for my age group then was 3:40:00, which meant I had a 5:22 buffer and was eventually accepted in the first week of application for the 2017 Boston Marathon.  The cut off time in the competitive entry system was 2:09 that year. My buffer was 5:22 was plenty cushion. 

I decided to apply for the 2019 Boston Marathon with my most recent marathon time of 3:40:45, which I also achieved at the Toronto Marathon this spring (May 2018). It was not as fast a finishing time, but since I moved up an age group my BQ time was 3:45:00 this year, which gave me a buffer of 4:15.  I applied in the second week of application and was rejected.  Apparently the cut off time for applications was set at 4:52, I missed it by 37 seconds.  The competitive entry system was much more competitive this year.   I would not be lacing up my sneakers in Boston this spring as I had hoped. 

The rejection letter was hard to read. I felt bummed out, inadequate and frustrated.  I wasn’t alone.  I scanned social media all day - I read the comments left on the Boston Marathon’s Facebook page, various Instagram sites, and Strava posts - people were angry, sad, disappointed and obviously frustrated.  All valid feelings.  But what now?  How this rejection is dealt with is very important in moving forward.  

I was surprised at how many people were angry at the B.A.A.  A large number of the rejected runners felt that simply achieving their BQ times, as set by the B.A.A., should have been enough to guarantee entry.  I saw a lot of F*** Boston posts.  It seemed like they felt mislead or taunted. 

Sure, I get the anger, we are all human, we work really hard putting blood, sweat and tears into the process, and the emotional let down is tough.  But I don’t think being angry at the B.A.A. is the right answer. It is the most prestigious marathon in the world for a reason. 

I chose self-reflection over anger.  Why did I fail to be accepted even though I earned my BQ?  Its important to remember that achieving your BQ time only gives you the right to apply, it is still a competitive entry system.  I compare it to applying to an Ivy league University like Harvard - you may have the grades but you are still competing with everyone else who earned those grades.  Its the best of the best, its prestigious, its tough.       

So did I perform at my best? No, I don’t think so.  I ran well at the 2018 Toronto Marathon, but not my best.  I’ve done better.  So why didn’t I run as well? I can’t say for sure, but here are some ideas that have been going through my mind:

1) I’m two years older

2) My cat died 4 weeks before the marathon and I was still incredibly sad from his passing

3) The week before the marathon there was an incident at work that caused significant stress in my life that involved some major work-life changes  

4) My regular ultimate frisbee league team did not play over the winter season due to a registration issue.  This had been the primary source of my winter interval run training.      

5) Perhaps I became cocky/complacent.  

  

Let’s tweeze these theories apart: 

1) Sure I’m two years older, but since I only started marathon running in 2016 I think I have more to learn, and experience is so important in marathon running. I don’t think that was the issue. 

2) Mourning my cat.  I’m not sure what to say.  It was so sad.  I spent many hours crying over him but the grief process was something that I had to work through and am still working through. 

3) Work stress.  This is always the million dollar question because every single person I’ve ever met has stress related to work.  I think its largely unavoidable and as people we need to learn better coping skills when stress happens.  There were people who told me to just channel my anger at the situation into my run but I’m not sure if I was able to do that.  Sometimes it just weighs you down and exhausts you.   

4) Can I blame my team captain for my marathon performance because he didn’t register the team in time? Of course not, that’s ridiculous.  I am the only person responsible for my run workouts, and I should have scheduled interval run workouts during the times we would have had our games. My fault.   

5) Did I get complacent? Its quite possible.  I had a lot of success in my run events that past year and maybe I let my foot ease up on the pedal that winter/spring training season.  

In the end, I really only have myself to blame for not running up to my full potential - being fast enough to get into the 2019 Boston Marathon.  

If I’m going to thrive as a runner and a human being, I must recognize that: 

* I am competing with other athletes who are training hard, and want it bad. 

* I am the only person responsible for scheduling & completing my workouts.

* I can not blame other people, institutions or life situations for my failure to achieve goals. I am the only person accountable for my actions and I must learn how to manage these.    

* Being angry, sad, frustrated are all normal and healthy emotions, but it is important not to dwell on them.  It’s incredibly important to make a plan and initiate the required steps to make progress towards reaching future goals.   

I expect I will run another marathon this spring and attempt to re-qualify for Boston again in the future.  No one likes eating the slice of humble pie (especially when you know the sweet taste of Boston cream), but you never forget the bitter taste in your mouth, and that will help fuel the runs ahead.