Boston & Dealing with Rejection

This post is hard to write.  Usually when I post about my athletic endeavours I’m writing about achieving a personal best, conquering some new milestone, showing off a medal or other wonderful news.  I suppose social media has many of us projecting only the best moments of our lives, which makes failure and rejection difficult to discuss for most of us.  But I think its healthy and quite necessary to have a conversation about the moments of our lives where we fail to meet our goals, to remind ourselves that we are all human, and when we do not achieve the goals we set out for, its only truly a failure if we do not learn from the experience. 

This is not a pity me post.  This is a blog that is meant to help myself and others move forward from perceived failure and rejection. 

As a run coach and personal trainer, I put tremendous pressure on myself to perform and succeed.  I consider myself a role model - professionally for my clients - but I also have personal ambitions just like my clients do.  So when I fail to achieve a goal I feel disappointed in myself. 

This is the second time I’ve applied for entry in the Boston Marathon. (https://www.baa.org/races/boston-marathon). 

I suppose I’m finding this rejection from the Boston Athletic Association (B.A.A.) particularly hard because the first time was so easy for me.  The very first marathon I ever ran was the Toronto Marathon in May 2016, with a time of 3:34:38.  The Boston Qualifying (BQ) time for my age group then was 3:40:00, which meant I had a 5:22 buffer and was eventually accepted in the first week of application for the 2017 Boston Marathon.  The cut off time in the competitive entry system was 2:09 that year. My buffer was 5:22 was plenty cushion. 

I decided to apply for the 2019 Boston Marathon with my most recent marathon time of 3:40:45, which I also achieved at the Toronto Marathon this spring (May 2018). It was not as fast a finishing time, but since I moved up an age group my BQ time was 3:45:00 this year, which gave me a buffer of 4:15.  I applied in the second week of application and was rejected.  Apparently the cut off time for applications was set at 4:52, I missed it by 37 seconds.  The competitive entry system was much more competitive this year.   I would not be lacing up my sneakers in Boston this spring as I had hoped. 

The rejection letter was hard to read. I felt bummed out, inadequate and frustrated.  I wasn’t alone.  I scanned social media all day - I read the comments left on the Boston Marathon’s Facebook page, various Instagram sites, and Strava posts - people were angry, sad, disappointed and obviously frustrated.  All valid feelings.  But what now?  How this rejection is dealt with is very important in moving forward.  

I was surprised at how many people were angry at the B.A.A.  A large number of the rejected runners felt that simply achieving their BQ times, as set by the B.A.A., should have been enough to guarantee entry.  I saw a lot of F*** Boston posts.  It seemed like they felt mislead or taunted. 

Sure, I get the anger, we are all human, we work really hard putting blood, sweat and tears into the process, and the emotional let down is tough.  But I don’t think being angry at the B.A.A. is the right answer. It is the most prestigious marathon in the world for a reason. 

I chose self-reflection over anger.  Why did I fail to be accepted even though I earned my BQ?  Its important to remember that achieving your BQ time only gives you the right to apply, it is still a competitive entry system.  I compare it to applying to an Ivy league University like Harvard - you may have the grades but you are still competing with everyone else who earned those grades.  Its the best of the best, its prestigious, its tough.       

So did I perform at my best? No, I don’t think so.  I ran well at the 2018 Toronto Marathon, but not my best.  I’ve done better.  So why didn’t I run as well? I can’t say for sure, but here are some ideas that have been going through my mind:

1) I’m two years older

2) My cat died 4 weeks before the marathon and I was still incredibly sad from his passing

3) The week before the marathon there was an incident at work that caused significant stress in my life that involved some major work-life changes  

4) My regular ultimate frisbee league team did not play over the winter season due to a registration issue.  This had been the primary source of my winter interval run training.      

5) Perhaps I became cocky/complacent.  

  

Let’s tweeze these theories apart: 

1) Sure I’m two years older, but since I only started marathon running in 2016 I think I have more to learn, and experience is so important in marathon running. I don’t think that was the issue. 

2) Mourning my cat.  I’m not sure what to say.  It was so sad.  I spent many hours crying over him but the grief process was something that I had to work through and am still working through. 

3) Work stress.  This is always the million dollar question because every single person I’ve ever met has stress related to work.  I think its largely unavoidable and as people we need to learn better coping skills when stress happens.  There were people who told me to just channel my anger at the situation into my run but I’m not sure if I was able to do that.  Sometimes it just weighs you down and exhausts you.   

4) Can I blame my team captain for my marathon performance because he didn’t register the team in time? Of course not, that’s ridiculous.  I am the only person responsible for my run workouts, and I should have scheduled interval run workouts during the times we would have had our games. My fault.   

5) Did I get complacent? Its quite possible.  I had a lot of success in my run events that past year and maybe I let my foot ease up on the pedal that winter/spring training season.  

In the end, I really only have myself to blame for not running up to my full potential - being fast enough to get into the 2019 Boston Marathon.  

If I’m going to thrive as a runner and a human being, I must recognize that: 

* I am competing with other athletes who are training hard, and want it bad. 

* I am the only person responsible for scheduling & completing my workouts.

* I can not blame other people, institutions or life situations for my failure to achieve goals. I am the only person accountable for my actions and I must learn how to manage these.    

* Being angry, sad, frustrated are all normal and healthy emotions, but it is important not to dwell on them.  It’s incredibly important to make a plan and initiate the required steps to make progress towards reaching future goals.   

I expect I will run another marathon this spring and attempt to re-qualify for Boston again in the future.  No one likes eating the slice of humble pie (especially when you know the sweet taste of Boston cream), but you never forget the bitter taste in your mouth, and that will help fuel the runs ahead. 

Barrelman 2018

After doing my first full Ironman at Mont Tremblant last year, I wanted to take some time to work on some sport specific aspects of my long course triathlon, and I decided it would be better to do a couple half irons this season before attempting another full Iron.  I picked Ironman 70.3 Muskoka and MSC Barrelman courses for the 2018 season, both are 2km swim/90km bike/21.1km run. 

Race morning dawned foggy and humid, it seemed all my races this year were going to be in hot conditions.  The forecast high was for an air temp of 30C, with humidex of 35C. Ugh, not what this Newfie seal was hoping for. 

Still dark, I left my hotel in Niagara Falls, climbed in the shuttle bus and made my way to the Welland International Flatwater Centre where the swim and T1 section of the courses were located. T2 and the run would be based in Niagara Falls.  The athletes would bike the 90km between the transition zones. 

I checked over my bike, prepped my gear in T1 and headed down to the water to do my warm up swim.  I felt really good going into the swim.  I had done lots of work on my swim with coach Miranda Tomenson over the winter, and I upgraded my wetsuit to a Roka Maverick Elite (replacing my Nineteen Pipeline which had served me well over the last 4 years but was starting to wear and tear now).   

The first 300m of any open water mass swim start is dodgy. You just try to avoid getting kicked, and once I was out of the 'thrashers section' I settled into my groove. I focussed more on my ‘superpose’ style stroke, gliding, and rotating on the skewer (like Miranda suggested) and I settled into a good rhythm.  The guide ropes were still in the canal (used by the kayakers and rowers) so for most of the swim I could use them to help with sighting.  I was grateful for those. 

Exiting the water, I glanced down at my Garmin - it read 41:15.  When I did this course back in 2016 I swam the 2k in 47:34 which means I took 6min 19sec off my previous swim time!  Boom!  Hence the big grin coming out of the water.  I was off to a great start. 

I transitioned out of my swim gear, hopped onto the bike and headed out onto the road towards Fort Erie. This year the race director added 1K onto the bike course with a short turn around (previously it was 89K and they needed to add 1K to bring it to the standard 90K for the half-iron distance).  So the bike courses from 2016 and 2018 will not be 100% comparable. I felt good on the bike, I committed to staying in aero position for parts of the course that were straight and not too technical, but I felt a few of the nagging end of season muscle and joint issues creep up on me towards the last third of the course.   I managed to smash my left knee into my coffee table the weekend before and the bruising ache returned full force at the 60k point, making the ride a little more uncomfortable than it needed to be.  I know, no excuses, but it is what it is.  In the end, I held the exact same pace as last time (27.9km/h).  I'm not as pleased with that. 

The second transition is always welcomed, as I’m glad to get my butt off the bike and start my favourite section of the triathlon - the run.  I felt good on the run, but the heat soon began to take its toll, as it often does at this point.  Recalling the strategy I used in Muskoka, I poured water over my head and grabbed ice to throw in my sports bra whenever I could get it.  It helped, but I think I was a little too focused on keeping cool and forgot to take all the nutrition I needed on the run.  (Or perhaps I was distracted by the magnificence of the Niagara waterfalls in the background.)  I was just taking liquids for the last 12km, when I should have been taking my last 2 gels.  I felt I was running well, but the split times were not as fast as they should have been, especially when compared to what I did on this course previously, and Ironman 70.3 Muskoka.  I ran the 21.1km in 2:01:31, slower than both Muskoka and Barrelman 2016 which were both sub 2h (1:59:47 and 1:56:31, respectively).   

 

Overall I did the 2018 MSC Barrelman in 6:01:37.  Faster than the Ironman 70.3 Muskoka course back in July at 6:03:16, so that’s good.   I’d like to be able to compare it to my 2016 Barrelman time of 6:00:05.5 but I need to remind myself that the bike course was shorter then, so it doesn’t necessarily mean that I was any slower, especially when my bike splits were pretty much exactly the same in both years.  The big difference was definitely the heat, it was much more hot and humid in 2018 than 2016, which impacted my run.    

Alas I’m still in search of my sub 6h half-iron triathlon.  Sadly it won’t happen this year, but I know I’ll get there at some point.  

So what are my take home points from this triathlon race season?  

1. Swim - The hard work on the swim has paid off.  I need to keep doing the assigned drills and focus on the form adjustments my swim coach has taught me.  They are working and my swim times from Muskoka, LOST and Barrelman show it clearly and consistently. 

2. Bike - I saw little improvement on the bike splits this year.  While I am definitely more comfortable in aero-position this season than in previous years, I need to work on my power.  This will definitely be a priority over the winter. 

3. Run - I’m happy with my run form and times. I know its the heat I suffer in and perhaps more heat training would be helpful.  Otherwise, I just need to keep working hard and not get complacent.  

4. Nutrition - After reviewing some of my run splits and thought processes, I think I am overlooking some aspects of race day nutrition.  I think I try to just power through the last sections of the bike/run courses and my performance suffers for it, contrary to what I may tell myself at the time.  I’m going to have to work on this part of my sport.  I need to better strategize my caloric intake while cycling and running, instead of just toughing it out, like the stubborn fool I can be sometimes.       

While its now officially off season for triathlon, my off-season for running won't start until mid-Nov.  I have a few more big run events scheduled over the next two months, so be sure to stay tuned for more on my running adventures, including my first trail ultra-marathon this autumn!